The 70 Emotions of Cancer-Heritage: My Story
As a coach, I feel it is important for you to know my story. And this is a way of sharing my past like no other.
(Thank you Ashley Ambirge for the format!)
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IGNORANT
When my Grandma Hill was diagnosed with cancer a year before my birth.
PETRIFIED
When I was born in 1981, without crying, due to baby pneumonia.
LOVED
When the overnight nurse stayed way past her shift to make sure I was alright. More than once. I still have the framed blessing she gave to my parents for me.
RELIEVED
When seven days later I was able to leave with my Mom and Dad to the 160-acre hobby farm we called home.
ECSTATIC
When I told my parents I was getting a sister named Nikki with brown hair and brown eyes just like me.
PROUD
When my four-year-old-self told the judge, “Yes I want her as my sister,” at the adoption hearing.
NOURISHED
When I ate farm-fresh, home-grown, home-cooked food for the first five years of my life.
PUMPED
When I “finally” started having homework to do.
CURIOUS
When I learned my Dad’s first wife and infant daughter were killed by a drunk driver.
ELATED
When my Grandma Hill made her famous carmel rolls.
CONFUSED
When she started using crutches because her left leg bones were deteriorating.
COMFORTED
When I would sneak brownies and cookies while the parentals weren’t looking.
DEVASTATED
When she died, malnourished and starved.
MOURNFUL
When in fifth-grade I wrote, “Sisu: Strong-Willed One” and dedicated it to her memory. A+ work per Mrs. Berglund.
RESPONSIBLE
When I gave my Dad permission to borrow my college fund for the farm.
MORTIFIED
When two friends pulled me aside on the playground to inform me I was bleeding through my jeans. And when, the next month, I bled through again and added nearly passing out on the choir bleachers to the ordeal.
IRATE
When I couldn’t get my ears pierced because if God wanted more holes in my body He would have put them there. He also didn’t want me to have painted nails.
PROUD
When I kept winning Grand Champion trophies and trips to the Minnesota State Fair for my swine-showing skills.
REBELLIOUS
When I had my first underage beer, thanks to a friend sneaking two cans into the house.
NUMB
When I held animals for neutering and clipping.
ASHAMED
When I didn’t understand why I didn’t fit in.
GRATEFUL
When I got my first job off the farm, serving at Berchin’s A&W Family Restaurant.
IMPORTANT
When I won the title of “Dairy Princess”. Twice. And later, “Pork Ambassador”.
PEACEFUL
When my Grandma Carlson died at home.
THROWN
When I learned my Grandpa Carlson had cancer when he was younger, but died from a stroke years later. And six-months after his bride.
POPULAR
When I lived on Diet Coke, chocolate chip cookies, and Twizzlers while throwing parties at the farm where it seemed like a hundred people showed up.
GUILTY
When I didn’t see my Grandpa Hill the weekend before I traveled to England.
BROKEN
When the call came in that he died and that I’d miss the funeral.
DESPERATE
When my parents filed for bankruptcy.
PANICKED
When I thought I had to decide on a career, a college, and a program that would provide for the family.
LOGICAL
When, after hundreds of hours, I chose to study actuarial science at Drake University because actuary was the top-ranked job according to U.S. News and Drake had one of the best programs.
GUTSY
When I started dating my very best friend. A boy named Brian.
LUCKY
When we went to my senior prom together. Especially after my junior year fiasco.
DESERVING
When I won more scholarships than anyone in my class.
LESS-THAN
When the first two girls I attempted to make conversation with at Drake snubbed me. HARD.
PISSED
When my courses did not live up to my expectations of the stimulating learning experiences I desired and my roommate did not live up to the “you’ll meet your best girl friends in college” expectation.
ATHLETIC
When I joined the women’s rowing team.
WHIPPED
When I would drive ten hours every other weekend to visit Brian at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire. SO whipped!
LOST
When I transfered to a community college back home to do generals. And then took a semester off. Then transferred to UW-Eau Claire. And then did the whole loop over with a few more community schools added to the mix, starting with Drake. That’s five transfers in five years between just as many schools.
DETERMINED
When I pulled my stellar resume together: great GPA, great community service, great recommendations. All set to join the real world.
INCENSED
When the only job offer I had available to me was as an overnight assistant manager at Wal-Mart.
FOOLISH
When I graduated from UW-Eau Claire’s Entrepreneur Program in 2005, weighing in at 212 pounds on a 5’7″ frame.
REMINISCENT
When my Great-Aunt Julia, my Grandma Hill’s sister, died from breast cancer in February 2007.
DESERTED
When my Uncle John, who was originally going to be the minister for our wedding, died from cancer in May 2007. He was a favorite. As was Julia.
BELOVED
When we said, “I do” on July 28, 2007. I weighed 227 pounds. ON. MY. WEDDING. DAY.
GROWN-UP
When we bought our home in October 2007.
DUMBFOUNDED
When, in 2010, I found out Lexis-Nexus had added two felonies to my background report in 2003 that weren’t mine.
SCARED
When I found out my Dad had bladder cancer.
VENGEFUL
When his doctor said it was due to the pesticides used on the farm.
POWERFUL
When I quit working for an employer who would hardly work for himself.
GRATEFUL
When Brian challenged me to go wherever I needed to go and do whatever I needed to do to build the career of my dreams.
ADVENTUROUS
When I journeyed solo from Wisconsin to Arizona with site-seeing stops at the Rocky Mountain National Park and the Royal Gorge before setting up shop to gain residency and rock ASU’s Global Health program.
HOT
When I flew back home for Brian’s 30th birthday weighing 35-pounds less than when he’d seen my last.
HELPLESS
When I called the ambulance to rush myself to the hospital.
THANKFUL
When I realized that at least this happened while I was home.
DENIAL
When the ER doctor said my blood work was serious to the point I could die if they were unsuccessful in getting my numbers down.
MAD
When I was told I could now eat whatever I wanted, two days after having my gall bladder removed.
AMAZED
When I discovered the Institute of Integrative Nutrition (IIN) and stayed up until 4 a.m. reading every last page of their website. (Thank you Derek and Amanda!)
PURPOSEFUL
When I enrolled in IIN as soon as they opened for the day. And then trashed my ASU application.
DISTRAUGHT
When I moved back home to Wisconsin from Arizona in the dead of winter because Loki, our four-year old puppy I chose from the humane society was on her last days. Weighed in at 152.5 pounds on my last day in the AZ.
UPSET
When I brought my Mom to the hospital to have her skin cancer removed.
INSPIRED
When I moved into my office.
WOUNDED
When my Dad changed, and then I gained 15 pounds.
RELIEVED
When my Mom moved forward.
HONORED
When I got my first tattoo in my Grandma Hill’s handwriting. I’m inked with “sisu” a Finnish word my Grandpa Hill used to describe my Grandma Hill. It means strength of will, determination, perserverance against all odds.
CHERISHED
When we celebrated my IIN graduation with my family and closest friends.
SERENE
When I discovered the focus of my practice – upgrading cancer legacies.
SERENDIPITOUS
When two days later I opened an email for a Center for Advancement in Cancer Education (CACE) lecture in Eau Claire.
STRONG
When I completed a cancer support educator training hosted by CACE in Philadelphia two weeks later.
MAGICAL
When I look around now at all the people I’ve connected with, at all the support I have, at all the resources available, at all the people I’m serving, I’m absolutely loving, LOVING the magic of life! Knowing that my work makes a real difference and carefully weaves and pulls every experience from my life together is empowering. (And those 15 pounds…they’re already on the way out!)
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That said, I have a smackerel of advice.
Be brave.
Get to know and trust yourself.
Face your fears.
Get comfortable in uncertainty.
Forgive your past.
And for the love, chose happiness, chose health, and chose you.
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About Sara
Sara Hefty (B.B.A. and H.H.C.) teaches workaholic women how to have it all and flourish without burning out, binging or being spiteful. As an expert in transformational health coaching, she holds women accountable for letting go of unwanted weight, being brilliantly nourished, grounded in truth and feeling confident, happy and playful every single day.
As a woman with her own weight loss story, wide-ranging family heritage of cancer, and a graduate of the Institute of Integrative Nutrition, Sara’s appreciation for convenient nutrient-dense food, personal growth, inspiring design, financial responsibility, and social entrepreneurship led to her “Pursuit of Ownership: Health, Home, and Legacy” model of heart-on-fire-hot empowered living.
Sara is the founder of PROJECT LUX and SaraHefty.com. She currently lives in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, with her husband Brian and hound-dog Raja.
You’re an amazing and BRAVE person. Wonderful post Sara!