The mind’s eye; a tricksy little devil!

Posted at October 10, 2011

The mind is a powerful thing. And what’s most amazing is that when I was obese I did not see myself as obese. Sure, I saw myself as needing to lose anywhere from 40 to 105 pounds, but I could not see just how much weight I was actually carrying on my body. And the fact that I could not pinpoint a goal weight SHOULD have been a clue that I didn’t recognize, didn’t see, how heavy – how obese – I’d become.

On my wedding day (July 28, 2007), I weighed 222 pounds – five pounds shy of my heaviest weight of 227. But I didn’t SEE 222. I didn’t SEE obese. I denied my weight, my obesity. I wouldn’t face it. Even now, until I put this picture next to my sidebar’s “Welcome” picture, I couldn’t actually see how much weight I was carrying in my face. And now, I can’t not see the difference.

And the day I left Wisconsin and headed to Arizona (May 5, 2011), I weighed 207. But I still didn’t SEE obese. I didn’t see how tired, stressed out, and lost I’d become. Sure, this picture was taken shortly after I had massively cried so of course I have ginormous bags under my bloodshot eyes. But I could not see the weight; I couldn’t feel how heavy I’d become.

Then, I moved to Arizona. And in the beginning of summer in Arizona, one cannot unknowingly hide behind layers and layers of clothing because it. is. HOT. And it took awhile, but my mind’s eye started letting me see my weight. I started noticing – FOR THEE FIRST TIME – I was carrying a large amount of fat on my body. I could SEE it. And I wanted it to keep going away.

But the crazy thing is this: I couldn’t see my own obesity, my own fat, until AFTER I had lost the first 20 pounds. THEN I started SEEING my body. I could tell I had lost a few inches because my jeans were beginning to fit better. I started wearing shorts and tank tops around the house. THAT was a wake-up call. I saw what my thighs and upper arms looked like outside of jeans and hoodies, and was shocked with how thick I was in those areas. I knew my mid-section was thick, but before my shorts and tank top days, I couldn’t see the thickness throughout the rest of my body.

Fast forward to today where I am 161.7 pounds, 63 pounds under my highest weight of 227, and just 1.7 pounds away from being in the healthy weight range for my height (according to BMI standards).

I can definitely SEE the weight loss! And, just as important, I can see and feel that soon I’ll be transitioning my focus from weight loss to tightening/toning. I can see that I am still carrying some excess fat throughout my body. So my plan here is to take it five pounds at a time. I’ll get to 155.0, see what I look like and how I feel and then make the call on whether or not I want to move to 150.0. As for tightening and toning, I’m thinking of getting into yoga, dance, and tennis. I want to do things that I love – and busting my arse at the gym is NOT one of them. I’ve gone down that road in the past, and it was merely a temporary solution. What I’m looking for is lifestyle changes. I love the longevity of yoga, dance, and tennis. And I love and appreciate the ancient wisdom of yoga, the beauty and wonder of dance, and the class and independence of tennis.

Keep a watch on your mind’s eye. Don’t let it be devilish and trick you into denial. It is such a powerful thing.

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How do you see yourself today?

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About Sara


Sara Hefty (B.B.A. and H.H.C.) teaches workaholic women how to have it all and flourish without burning out, binging or being spiteful. As an expert in transformational health coaching, she holds women accountable for letting go of unwanted weight, being brilliantly nourished, grounded in truth and feeling confident, happy and playful every single day.

As a woman with her own weight loss story, wide-ranging family heritage of cancer, and a graduate of the Institute of Integrative Nutrition, Sara’s appreciation for convenient nutrient-dense food, personal growth, inspiring design, financial responsibility, and social entrepreneurship led to her “Pursuit of Ownership: Health, Home, and Legacy” model of heart-on-fire-hot empowered living.

Sara is the founder of PROJECT LUX and SaraHefty.com. She currently lives in Eau Claire, Wisconsin, with her husband Brian and hound-dog Raja.